


Silly Crush

by Kimmy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s02e18 Awake Arise Or Be Forever Fallen, Except He Didnt, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hands, Happy Ending, Holding Hands, M/M, Short, That Moment When Magnus Decided To Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 05:26:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11685003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimmy/pseuds/Kimmy
Summary: When Alec pulls his hands away, Magnus knows that's it. They have to break up.





	Silly Crush

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blasphemous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blasphemous/gifts), [Madalena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madalena/gifts).



> For Madalena, who was right that we need fics not about the break up... oops, it ended up kinda about the break up anyway.  
> And for deathdario, WHO GETS THAT THE HANDS SCENE WAS SO IMPORTANT. It's not a hug, but I hope you like it.

Alec’s eyes seem to drift to meet his gaze on reflex, but his gaze is haunted and unseeing. There’s guilt and shame shining in them underneath all the worry, and Magnus knows he’s spiralling back into that vortex of self-hatred he lived all his life in.

 

He takes his hands, hesitantly, gently, glad Alec doesn’t pull away, but he sees the stunning hazel eyes turn to them, with awe and confusion, as if he didn’t understand. He doesn’t squeeze back, his hand is limp in Magnus’, passive, seemingly uncaring and yet it’s there.

 

He doesn’t pull away.

 

So many times so far it’s been enough. But is it? Maybe Magnus made his fair share of mistakes in this relationship, maybe he refused to open up, but in the end he did. And Alec needs to do it too. If Alec insisted to be there for him after his past came rushing to him, then Alec needs to let Magnus be here for him when all he can think about is Max.

 

If Alec can’t accept that Magnus doesn’t just want him, that Magnus and Alec being together means they’re family and Magnus will be there for him, then it can’t go on, can it?

 

He thinks back to their first time, pure and clumsy and carefree, but so unreal and faraway in his mind now. It is a moment in time taken out of context that looks abstract on the picture of war looming above them.

 

He’s suddenly hyper aware of the feather light flower in his pocket, Alec’s hand in his cold, so unlike back then, when it fit against his palm perfectly, warm and binding.

 

Alec slips his hand away and Magnus can’t move, can’t breathe, can’t see… can’t see anything but blackened petals falling around him, blocking everything else.

 

He didn’t want to make this decision, but he has to, doesn’t he? It’s not that he doesn’t believe Alec loves him. It’s not about the Soul Sword. It’s certainly not that Magnus doesn’t love Alec. But there’s war going on, and clearly they’re not handle their relationship and the fight both.

 

There’s no time for love at war.

 

It hurts. It hurts like nothing hurt before and it’s a strange feeling that Magnus doesn’t know how to deal with. He went through heartbreak before, he lost friends and family but this? 

 

This hurts.

 

It hurts to know that unlike every single time before, the person he will leave behind actually  _ loves _ him. It hurts to know Alec will be just as heartbroken as him.

 

But it also hurts to leave… all of this behind. Because it’s not just Alec. There’s so much more he gained when they met, didn’t he? He found family with Alec. A man who loves him, but not only him. The wonderful Isabelle, his Biscuit, even annoying Blondie and Sheldon were quite alright. Little Max, even if they had a shaky start, was such a delight, and Maryse and Robert stopped looking at him like he was some sort of a pest and started treating him like a son-in-law.

 

It will hurt so badly to lose it all.

 

It will hurt so badly.

 

He doesn’t want to go to war again. He doesn’t want to break up with Alec.

 

But he has to, doesn’t he?

 

He has to do this.

 

He hates this, but he will do this.

 

After all, doesn’t it always end like that?

 

Happiness was never meant for Magnus Bane.

 

He takes the rose in his hand, gently touching the petals, and turns to walk away, but a gentle whisper stops him.

 

“Magnus?”

 

Alec? Why does he… This wasn’t… He made his decision. Alec pulled away. Why does he? His throat feels tight with emotion when he turns to see Alec stood not two meters away, looking lost and embarrassed as if ashamed he misinterpreted the situation, one hand cradling his arm, the other barely extended to Magnus.

 

He… he didn’t pull away.

 

He turned away to walk over to the chairs not to get away from Magnus and be with his family in this moment, he turned to walk over to the chairs to sit down, fully expecting Magnus to follow him.

 

That was unexpected.

 

Alec’s face falls, cheeks burning red and hurt and shame filling his expression, the extended hand going away and reaching for himself, arms crossed - closed off, hugging himself, locked in. He turns away, like a kicked puppy and Magnus can see he is scolding himself for being so stupid, for hoping, drowning himself in guilt instead.

 

He takes two steps forward quickly, gently putting his hand on Alec’s shoulder, the shadowhunter’s head shooting up to meet his eyes, full of hope, surprise and love.

 

He sits down, Alec sitting down next to his and slowly uncurling himself, trying to lean against Magnus and glaring at the armrest that stops him. It’s so wonderfully awkward Magnus chuckles, waving a hand and making the armrest disappear, Alec looking at him with a sheepish smile before laying his head on the warlock’s shoulder.

 

Magnus wraps his arms around him, holding him close and mentally yelling at himself for wanting to ever leave this wonderful man.

 

Crush, the Queen said.

 

Crush.

 

As if.

 

Alec is the love of his life.

 

“I’m sorry…” Magnus shushes Alec, already knowing what he will say.

 

_ I’m sorry. I should have told you. I promise to do better. _

 

“Alec, sweetheart, I need  _ you _ to listen to me for a moment, because it’s not you who has to apologise.  _ I’m _ sorry. I should have never… It wasn’t my place to get angry. It wasn’t my place to demand you to tell me. We did this all wrong. The thing, my love, is that as much as it hurts sometimes, we’re not just Magnus and Alec. We’re also High  Warlock and Head of Institute and that comes with responsibilities. But as much as I didn’t like it at first, you were right in that we need to separate those. Politics can’t get between our love. We must do our duty and leave it behind when we get home.”

 

He felt tears on his chest, Alec’s body shaking against his and he closed his eyes, kissing Alec’s forehead.

 

“Never leave me, Magnus. I don’t want to fight. Ever.”

 

“Never, Alexander.” 

 

It might be empty words, because they will fight, but Magnus will never  _ leave _ , as close as he was to it just moments ago. He knows better now. He knows better than to ever let go of the wonderful man who finally calmed down and just nestled himself in Magnus’ hug. 

 

He turns the rose in his fingers, looking at the blackened petals with a feeling of peace forthe first time since he was gifted the flower.

 

“What is it?”

 

Magnus looks at the rose and turns it into ash, blowing it away with a smile.

 

“Nothing. Seelie Queen gave it to me and told me to give up my silly crush on you, but since there is no crush…”

 

“What?” Alec’s confused expression is the most adorable thing Magnus has ever seen. “I hope you had a crush on me. I had a crush on you.” Alec really needs to stop pouting before Magnus kisses that pout off his face.

 

“No. No, I wouldn’t say a crush. You’re so much more than a crush, Alexander. You’re the love of my life.”

 

Magnus feels Alec bury his face in his neck, undoubtedly blushing furiously and smiles, his eyes meeting Maryse sitting in front of them and he is surprised to find her smiling genuinely at them, sending back a grateful smile himself, sure he is almost as red as Alec.

 

The sound of door opening brutally draws them out of the silent vigil, Magnus shooting up to his feet, taking Alec with him, everyone else standing up too, eyes on Brother Enoch.

 

“He is still unconscious, but he will live. You can wait for him to wake up inside.”

 

Magnus can feel Alec collapse if he wasn’t clinging to Magnus, the warlock holding him close as tears of relief fell down all of their faces.

 

Finally, everything seems to be alright, at least for a while.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
